i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
