I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
