my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
