grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
