God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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