Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
