Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
