I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
