You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
