Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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