are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
