you didnt know i had herpes?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
