another moral hangover. fuck.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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