I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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