lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The beer is more important than you right now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
