When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
