walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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