Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
