i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
