I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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