When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
