Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize