gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
