drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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