Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
