from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
even my farts smell like vagina
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
