Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm both gender and math confused
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
