Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
