Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
