here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
