Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
