I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
its liver damage thursday
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
