watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
