last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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