Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
