It's like God shit irony all over that family
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
