That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
