I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
