If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
