And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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