The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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