if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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