Don't you send me to vm
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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