wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
