I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
