I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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