Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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