btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
