From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize