Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
