my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
