living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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