The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
