There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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