THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He? As in you personified your dick?
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