If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
