How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Oh god it's open bar.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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