please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
