I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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