don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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