Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
