WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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