Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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