Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
