i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
