woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
