Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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