I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
