Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize