So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
