Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
the room spins SO much faster in panama
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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