how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
