she was so not down for the gang bang
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
