I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
there's paper in my vomit.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Even my vagina gasped.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize