so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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