her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Still dying that you shit outside
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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