That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
