My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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