As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
