My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize