..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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