You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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