Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
