Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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