Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize