why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
