I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
