I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize