I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
