i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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