I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
