just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
