she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
did you just send me my own nude
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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