My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
