maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
