you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
