Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
