Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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