6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
