Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize