I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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