i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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