an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
