I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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