You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
that may or may not have been my penis.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
