You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
