A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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