Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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