I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
