What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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