I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
