hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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