dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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